Ond day to go...

I think that we spend half of our lives waiting for phone calls and the other half wishing we didn't answer. I am waiting to hear from the hospital about what time my surgery is scheduled for tomorrow. They should call between 2 and 4, so any time now I will have that phone call I have been waiting for but wish I did not have to answer.

I am going through a range of emotions today, sad, anxious, curious and hopeful. As much as I know this is the best thing for me at this time I cannot envision what it will be like to look down and see no foot. For so long now my foot has been very deformed and painful to look at that I wonder how I will feel when I know longer look at it. It maybe ugly and useless but it is still part of the original equipment and I am going to miss seeing it around.

My sister Peg has come and gone, bringing lunch and taking the dogs and my luggage for my stay at her house. The house is very quiet. It is always very funny to me how two dogs whose combined weight is about 20 pounds can make so much noise and are so adept at making their presence known. Hollywood never leaves me all day but Tootsie is a little more independent and will go and sleep in her crate during the day. I often imagine her talking like Greta Garbo claiming her need "to be alone". I did make sure Peg took her crate so that she can continue her alone time while she is visiting. I can tell the dogs are anxious and as much as I wish they were here tonight I think my entire being is oozing distress signals that those little pups will pick up on and make them more anxious and really the life of a dog is supposed to be happy and full of tail wagging not worrying about their owners.

Well that call came in about 3:30. The woman who called was named Dolores. I think that is a good sign, or at least that's how I am taking it. Surgery will be at 10:30 a.m. tomorrow and we have to be there by 8:30. My son Mike will pick me up at 6:30 a.m. and life as I know it will change. I know that I will probably react like I did after my transplant and wonder what did I just do, but I also know that even if I should question myself everyone will remind me that I have given myself the option to get out of my wheelchair and be part of the walking world again. I actually am in a good deal of discomfort today because I stripped down the bed and it always takes a toll on my foot because I do have to use it a little during the making of the bed. But, the bed will be freshly made and clean for when I come home - I will most likely sleep on top of the covers tonight so I won't have to make it up in the morning.

I have so much going through my mind but not much in a coherent stream so I think I will call it quits for today. The next time I blog will be after my surgery, so see you later.